I think the last few years have taken a toll on all of us. Yet, some of us (myself included) have long battled a war against ourselves. We believe the worst about ourselves, even when there is no evidence of truth in those beliefs.
After a day where I had been particularly down on myself, something snapped, a conversation was remembered, and finally, I had had enough of myself.
When the words of someone who loves you cannot reach your inner self it’s time to re-evaluate your priorities. And that is what I’m going to be doing for the rest of this year (and perhaps beyond).
Now the absolute truth is… we all have too much personal information out there in the world through the internet. So, I won’t be going into teeny, tiny details about my personal struggles. In general, yes. In detail, no. Yet what I can say is simply I have been a victim of verbal and mental abuse in relationships at two times in my life (guess I didn’t learn that lesson on what to look for fast enough). I know what it feels like to be told you’re worthless, you can’t do anything right, you are not “enough” for a relationship. I’ve been there I’ve got the tears to prove it. That’s the only detail I’m giving out – the base of my feelings of self-inadequacies is driven by those years of negativity in my life. And it continued to undercut the rest of my life… until today when I made a choice to seek something better for myself.
Don’t ever believe it’s too late for you – as long as you draw breath, there is time enough to take care of yourself, to love yourself.
So. For today – and maybe for this week, I’m setting one goal for myself. To do away with the automatic phrase “I can’t…” and fill in whatever blank comes after. I can. I have. I will again so that “I can’t” is just BS. Plain and simple. Yet. I also have to believe it and I’m not there just yet but working on it. So for now no more “I can’t” – I will, even if it scares me, I will.
That’s if for today. I’m off to putter with plants because that brings me joy… and we all need joy in our lives.
Take care of yourself – you are the only ‘you’ in existence, celebrate that unique person.