It’s a little before 6:30 a.m. here, dawn is breaking on the horizon. I can see its beautiful hues from the sliding glass door on my patio. it’s just one reason why I chose this room for my own.
A new day with new possibilities, and old responsibilities. And, at this moment, I can embrace each for its own worth.
It’s been said, by those that claim to know such things, that it takes a certain number of days to form new habits. While there may be science behind that claim, I believe that it is a person’s motivation for change that truly drives the learning of a new habit. After all, something only becomes a habit by doing the same thing over and over until it becomes a natural part of living.
Yesterday I reclaimed my own well-being, my own attention on my personal self-care. So, today is Day One of that new journey. I’ve managed to go for about 17 hours without once letting the “I can’t _____ ” (fill in the blank with negative thoughts) steal my good mood from me. Will every day be so successful? Of course not, but I can celebrate those 17 hours as a good start.
I believe that at some point we go beyond the need to survive the day and move into wanting to enjoy the day, no matter what happens in those 24 hours. That is part of the striking “I can’t” from my habit list. When one believes, truly at their core believes that their worth is somewhere near the mud at the bottom of a pond… well, the only logical thing to do for survival is to swim toward the surface and wash that mud off. That is truly what my desire to strike “I can’t” from my vocabulary rises from. I’m tired of feeling like the nasty bottom of a pond, I’d much rather be that waterlily that graces the surface of the pond with beauty knowing its roots are grounded in the mud for its life. There is a difference, and I challenge you to really see what that is in your own life. (I challenge myself to remember this analogy every single day as well)
I’ll be back tonight with an update. For now, I’m about to go enjoy this cold, crisp, beautiful day – I wish the same for you.
I think the last few years have taken a toll on all of us. Yet, some of us (myself included) have long battled a war against ourselves. We believe the worst about ourselves, even when there is no evidence of truth in those beliefs.
After a day where I had been particularly down on myself, something snapped, a conversation was remembered, and finally, I had had enough of myself.
When the words of someone who loves you cannot reach your inner self it’s time to re-evaluate your priorities. And that is what I’m going to be doing for the rest of this year (and perhaps beyond).
Now the absolute truth is… we all have too much personal information out there in the world through the internet. So, I won’t be going into teeny, tiny details about my personal struggles. In general, yes. In detail, no. Yet what I can say is simply I have been a victim of verbal and mental abuse in relationships at two times in my life (guess I didn’t learn that lesson on what to look for fast enough). I know what it feels like to be told you’re worthless, you can’t do anything right, you are not “enough” for a relationship. I’ve been there I’ve got the tears to prove it. That’s the only detail I’m giving out – the base of my feelings of self-inadequacies is driven by those years of negativity in my life. And it continued to undercut the rest of my life… until today when I made a choice to seek something better for myself.
Don’t ever believe it’s too late for you – as long as you draw breath, there is time enough to take care of yourself, to love yourself.
So. For today – and maybe for this week, I’m setting one goal for myself. To do away with the automatic phrase “I can’t…” and fill in whatever blank comes after. I can. I have. I will again so that “I can’t” is just BS. Plain and simple. Yet. I also have to believe it and I’m not there just yet but working on it. So for now no more “I can’t” – I will, even if it scares me, I will.
That’s if for today. I’m off to putter with plants because that brings me joy… and we all need joy in our lives.
Take care of yourself – you are the only ‘you’ in existence, celebrate that unique person.